Alone, I Fear
by Sita Moonlight
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD? What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S *COMPLETE*
1. Too Late Now

Title: Alone, I Fear   
Author: Sita   
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S   
Rating: PG-13   
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)   
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike?   
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again   
  
~Avirl Lavigne   
  
Chapter One: Too Late Now   
  
Before you know   
You're much too weak   
To the point   
The fall's to steep   
It's too late now   
It's too late now   
  
~The Moffatts   
  
  
She awoke with a start. Her breathing raspy and shallow from a nightmare she couldn't recall having. Sighing tiredly, the quick beat of her heart slowing down, she sat up in bed.   
  
The sheets stuck to her like plaster, a thick sheet of sweat lining her body. And, she inwardly groaned. She hated taking showers in the morning.   
  
Stretching, she pulled the sticky sheets off of her as she started to get out of bed. But, half way out of it, she paused.   
  
What was she doing in her old bedroom? The one she had when she lived in Los Angeles?   
Panic gripped her heart at this observation. And, she quickly jumped out of bed, rushing out of the bedroom door, not knowing exactly where she was heading, or what she was looking for.   
  
She stopped right outside the kitchen door as a light humming drifted to her from inside. A familiar sound that she had heard many times before.   
  
"Mom?" She hesitantly walked into the kitchen. How could he mother be here? Her mother had died over a year and a half ago.   
  
"Good morning, Buffy." Joyce smiled warmly, momentarily turning away from the pancake batter she was mixing.   
  
Buffy felt faint.   
  
"Mom?" She asked again, her voice cracking. And, emotion overwhelmed her as she grabbed on to the wall for support.   
  
"Buffy!" Joyce gasped, rushing over to her daughter, worry evident on her features as she quickly put her daughters arm around her shoulders, hoping to lend Buffy some support. "Dear, what's wrong? Are you sick?"   
  
"No, no mom. I'm not." Buffy looked over at her mother, a mix of emotions clouding her features.   
Closing her eyes tightly, Buffy prayed the tears that were threatening to spill, never came.   
  
"Are you sure honey?" Joyce asked. "You look a little pale."   
  
"I-I'm fine." Buffy clumsily stumbled out of her mother's grasp.   
  
What WAS this? Her being in L.A., and her mother still alive? Was this the Powers That Be's idea of a sick joke?   
  
She quickly made her way back to her old room, yelling to her mother not to worry on the way out of the kitchen.   
  
Sitting on her unmade bed, Buffy put her head in her hands, running her hands quickly through her messed up locks. She had to find out what was going on, and fast. She couldn't handle this. And, after seeing her mother again, Buffy wasn't even sure if she could handle seeing Joyce taken away from her again.   
  
Letting a soft sob escape her lips, Buffy laid down on her bed. She knew this wasn't her life. And, someway, somehow, she was going to get her life back. And that meant one thing: Sunnydale.   
  
****   
Thunder cracked hard as Buffy drove down a newly paved Los Angeles street. Thought hesitant to leave her mother, Buffy had convinced Joyce to let her take a small trip.   
  
A little bit after her decision to head back to the Hellmouth, Buffy had discovered her Slayer abilities had suddenly disappeared, which had angered her greatly. After years of being a Slayer, one would of thought that that would be her wish, to not be a Slayer anymore. But, in reality, it upset her. And, what upset her even more was the fact that Dawn was gone. Dawn wasn't her sister here.   
  
Now, without her great strength, and without the life she knew, she didn't know if she could survive. This was her hell. And, last year she thought coming out of heaven was hell, she thought earth was hell. But no, nothing compared to being in the situation she was in now. Weak, scared, and confused. This was definitely hell.   
  
The thought that Angel could be in L.A. didn't even cross her mind as she drove down the slippery streets. All that was on her mind was getting back to Sunnydale. And, definitely finding her friend. They surely would know what to do.   
  
She paused, mid-thought. What if her friends didn't know her here? What if she HAD no friends here? What if, wherever she was, had made her life different, her life as it would be if she had never been the Slayer. Buffy felt sick.   
  
But, one thing that had crossed her mind and was curious about this dimension, or whatever this was, was her mother being alive. Even if this was an alternative reality, why would her mother be alive? Wouldn't she have died of cancer either way?   
  
She quickly shook her head, she was going to fix this. She had to. Her friends would surely know who she was, right? And, for once in her life she prayed. Prayed to the higher beings, the Powers That Be, or whoever was up there, she prayed that everything was alright.   
  
****   
The sun was just setting by the time Buffy arrived in Sunnydale, her lateness due to the fact of the heavy rain she had encountered all the way here. And, now here she was, in front of the house she had called home only yesterday.   
  
The house was apparently occupied by a family that wasn't hers. For, a young girl with a dark complexion sat outside next to what looked to be her older brother. She, apparently showing him how to build specific structures with legos. And, right now, Buffy missed Dawn desperately.   
  
It was starting to grow cold as the moon took over the place where the sun had been, and Buffy wrapped her jacket around her tighter, hugging her arms to her chest.   
  
Sighing sadly, the young blonde got back in her car, driving until she reached a familiar place. Even thought dangerous, it felt almost homely to her. It was the graveyard she patrolled in the most, the one Spike had lived in.   
  
Spike. She even missed him right now. The insane vampire in the basement. And, she suddenly felt extremely bad about the way she had treated him only a day ago, telling him: "You have a soul? Then SHOW me." How could she have been so cruel? How could she not be thinking of all the pain he was in? Maybe she should go to the school....? No, she answered herself silently. He's probably not even there. Nobody seemed to be where you expect them to nowadays.   
  
A branch cracking behind her, startled the girl out of her deeps thoughts, and she immediately spun around, taking fighting stance. Even if she didn't have her Slayer abilities, she still knew how to fight.   
  
"Well, well, well." A voice said tauntingly, stepping out of the shadows. "Look what we've got here."   
  
"Spike?"   
  
TBC....   
  
AN: I hope you like this story so far. It just came to me and I couldn't get it out of my head, even though I am still working on my other story "Multiformity"   
  
So please review and tell me if I should continue! 


	2. No One Left

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13 (for language and sexual themes)  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? Also, I own Prissy.  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Two: No One Left  
  
'Cause there's no one left to finger  
There's no one here to blame  
There's no one left to talk to honey  
And there ain't no one to buy our innocence  
  
~Sarah McLachlin  
  
  
  
The bleached blonde vampire raised an eyebrow questioningly, "You know my name, pet?"  
  
She looked down, a sudden pang of sadness overtaking her emotions, "You don't know me?"  
  
"Why would I know you?" He took a step closer to her, his blue eyes shining dangerously under the bright white moonlight.   
  
He took another step closer to her, and right then, she knew the Spike in this reality was soulless and unchipped. This wasn't *her* Spike.   
  
Knowing she couldn't fight, she took a cautious step back from him, fearing the man--vampire who had been in love with her only yesterday. As she took a step back, he took ANOTHER step forward, smirking at her.  
  
"And where do you think you're going?" He vamped out, expecting Buffy to scream and run. He loved a good chase.  
  
But, she didn't scream at the sight of him. Only remembering when she had ran her hands over the ridges of his demon face, as she had had sex him. Used him. She shook her head at these thoughts. Now wasn't the time to dwell on *her* Spike. For, this was anything but her Spike.   
  
And, just as she started to back away once again, he reached out and grabbed her, expecting to get a good meal.   
  
But, just as he was about to lower his fangs into her neck. He stopped. A flash hit him. A flash of something. Yearning? Lust?....Love....? He shook his head as he let go of the girl, his eyes wide with fear from his own emotions. How could he feel something like that for someone he didn't know? Especially human? And more importantly, WHY had he felt that?   
  
Seeing the look on his demon face, and recognizing it as a look of fear and confusion, possibly even revulsion, Buffy looked up at him curiously, "Spike?" She asked, hoping he had recognized her. Something that would let her know that this wasn't pure hell.  
  
But, instead of answering her, the bleached-blonde vampire rushed away from her at superhuman speed, leaving her to wonder exactly WHY he had run away.  
  
But, she didn't dwell on it at the moment as she climbed back in to her car and drove away.  
  
****  
  
Buffy watched as the night got darker, her back leaning against the car window as she thought back to the evil-Spike she had encountered earlier. When he had looked at her in fear and confusion, there had been something recognizable in those blue orbs of him. Something she'd only seen with her Spike. But, it was gone in a flash, replaced by utter revulsion as he had run away from her. She wondered if that revulsion was directed towards her. But, why?  
  
A light tapping on her car window startled the her. And, Buffy turned her head only to see a young girl, no older than her age standing outside of the car window. Her flaming-red hair was cropped short, barely below her ears. And her wide blue eyes were almost as blue as Spike's. Almost.   
  
Buffy was unsure about opening the door, but when the girl tapped more frantically, she obliged, reaching over to the passenger side she flipped up the lock.  
  
The girl immediately jumped into the car.  
  
"Drive!" She shouted, and Buffy looked back at what the girl had been running from. For, behind the car no less than twenty vampires were approaching. When she had her Slayer strength, she couldn't even fight that many alone.  
  
Buffy drove immediately, "Where to?" She asked.   
  
"Down Parkinsins Avenue the number is 1270, you know where that is?" The girl asked.  
  
"Yeah. I live- used to live only a block away from there." Buffy answered, knowing by now this girl was harmless. And, Buffy was thankful for that.  
  
"So, I'm Buffy." Buffy started before the sound in the car was replaced by uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Prissy." The girl answered. "I'm Prissy."  
  
"Interesting name." Buffy answered.  
  
"Same for you."   
  
Prissy suddenly looked unsure of herself as she started to speak again, ringing her long fingers nervously together, "What you saw back there-"  
  
"Vampires." Buffy finished for Prissy. "I know about them. I fight them. I kill them. The whole nine yards."  
  
Prissy looked relieved, "It's great I didn't have to explain anything to you."  
  
Buffy nodded, finally stopping the car outside of a two story brick house. A fairly large front yard accented the house, the large tree's in it, making everything look almost eerie at night.   
  
"Thanks for the ride." Prissy smiled.  
  
"Look," Buffy started looking down embarrassedly. "I know I just met you, but I don't have anywhere to stay. And-"  
  
Prissy nodded, cutting Buffy off, "I supposes it's okay if you stay with me." Prissy looked unsure, but figured she could protect her family if Buffy posed any threat to them.  
  
"I'm sorry for asking you like this. Hell, I don't even know you, but-"  
  
"It's okay, really." Prissy cut Buffy off once again.   
  
And Buffy nodded, hoping she was right about Prissy. And that, the redhead WAS good like she hoped.  
  
Buffy nodded stepping out of the car, "I hope you know I DO feel really stupid for asking this."  
  
Prissy smiled, "It's no problem really. And I feel weird for saying YES to a stranger. But, you seem harmless. Almost like I know you somehow."  
  
"I know how you feel." Buffy answered following the red-head into the house. Even if Sunnydale was horribly evil, she missed it. This was her home. Yet, in this reality, it seemed far for it. Spike being evil. Someone living in her house. No Dawn....  
  
"Prissy!" A loud sounding unmistakable voice rung through the house, making Buffy pause as a girl walked down the stairs, glaring at Prissy. Her face was the same, but her hair was the same flaming red as Prissy's and her skin was thinner, paler.  
  
"Dawn?" Buffy choked out.  
  
Prissy turned her head, "You know her?"''  
  
"Well I don't know her," Dawn walked the rest of the ways down the stairs.   
  
Buffy looked over at Prissy curiously. "A-Are you the Slayer?" She tripped over her own words, suddenly feeling faint, while braising herself against the wall.  
  
Prissy looked at her curiously, suspiciously. "How did you know?"  
  
"Oh God."  
  
  
TBC....  
  
Please review! 


	3. The Way I Danced With You

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Three: The Way I Danced With You  
  
So I'm never gonna dance again  
The way I danced with you  
Now that you've gone  
Now that you've gone  
Now that you've gone  
Was what I did so wrong?  
So wrong you had to leave me alone?  
Don't lie, lie. Don't lie, lie.  
Don't lie, lie. Don't lie, lie.  
~Wham  
  
  
"Oh God." Buffy choked out, her world becoming dizzy as she leaned all of her body weight on the wall. So Dawn did exist....she just wasn't *her* sister.   
  
Buffy felt like breaking down right here, right now. Even if her life wasn't perfect before, it was loads better than this would ever be. Everything kept getting worse and worse. Next thing she knew, she wouldn't be able to get back to her own world. She shuddered at the thought. She had to get back there...  
  
"Dawn," Buffy looked up as she heard Prissy speaking the ex-key's name. "I think you should go upstairs."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Now." The commanding tone of the Slayer made the teenager drop her shoulders in defeat and hurry upstairs, angrily.  
  
"Buffy?" Prissy looked at the girl, worried.  
  
"Nothing makes sense." Buffy looked over at Prissy. "My whole friggin life is a lie! Everything!" Buffy let herself fall onto the couch, her face buried in her hands as she let sobs overtake her lean form.  
  
"Buffy?" Prissy asked again, hesitantly placing herself next to the blonde.   
  
"I can't," Buffy choke out in between sobs. "I can't live like this."  
  
"Like what?" The red-head asked, placing her pale hand on Buffy's back in a comforting gesture.   
  
"My life was different." She looked at Prissy. "Everything was different! And now...." Buffy stood up. "I just...."  
  
Prissy followed the blonde, also standing up, "Buffy?"  
  
"And now, now Spike doesn't even remember-"  
  
"Spike?" Prissy cut Buffy off. "The vampire Spike?"  
  
"Yes, William the Bloody, slayer of Slayers, bleached-blonde, attractive." Buffy named off qualities of Spike, her eyes watering up at the thought of running into Spike earlier, him not remembering her either.  
  
"Buffy," Prissy started. "Give me more detail. I don't understand what you're saying."  
  
"I-" Just as Buffy was about to speak again, when the doorbell rang, and Prissy looked at Buffy apologetically as she ran to get the door.  
  
Buffy watched from the living room as Prissy opened the door, a recognizable mad standing behind it: Giles.  
  
"I can't deal with this," Buffy mumbled to herself, spotting a back door and quietly slipping out of it and into the night. And, tears blurred her vision as she blindly made her way to her car, taking off once again, into the black night.  
  
"What did I do to deserve this?" She spoke to no one in particular as she drove away.  
  
  
****  
  
Buffy didn't know how she had gotten here, but she ended up at the Bronze, the loud music echoing from the club and into her car. She opened the door to her car, quickly stepping out and into the cool night air, wrapping her jacket around her tighter, tears still staining her face.  
  
And, with her head down she started walking, not even meaning to, but running into a figure. A cold figure. And, she looked up into the eyes of Spike for the second time that night.  
  
"I bloody run into you again?" He looked at her incredulously, still trying to forget the flash of emotion he had had for this girl just an hour or two earlier.  
  
"Spike." She simply stated, her watery hazel eyes looking into his blue ones.   
  
Noticing the tears in her eyes, he was oddly tempted to wipe the tears out of the beautiful green orbs. But, he refrained, hating the feelings he was getting when he was around her. What was it with this girl?  
  
Buffy noticed him looking at her like the old Spike would've, again. Something like pity mixed with buried emotions shone in his depths this time and she turned away, knowing she had to only be imagining it.  
  
"Buffy?" He suddenly choked out, and she turned around. HE knew who she was?  
  
"Spike?" She asked, hope forming it's way into her heart.  
  
But, he only shook his head, backing away slowly, "I don't know who you are, but stop it. Stop doing this to me!" He yelled, turning around quickly and running away.  
  
"Spike!" She called after him, but the vampire didn't turn but kept on running.  
  
And, Buffy slid to the ground, feeling her hope being crushed as though it were a small bug. And, she let the tears come, hoping that she'd die before this got any worse. Praying that something would kill her before she had to face being alone.  
  
Alone again.  
  
  
TBC....  
  
I know this chapter was kinda short, but I hope you enjoyed it!  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! 


	4. Nothing I Can Do but Wait

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
AN: I think I confused you because I reversed words in chapter two (which I'm fixing) but Prissy IS the Slayer, for those of you who wanted to know who Prissy is. Sorry for the confusion!  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Four: Nothing I can do but wait  
  
Time will tell what's on my mind,  
Tears will flow until my eyes go blind.  
Oh, I sing until I cry  
'Cause that's my way to say goodbye.  
  
We built castles in the air  
And we watched the world out there  
And now there's nothing I can do  
But wait, I'll wait for you  
~Christian Wunderlich  
  
  
"Miss?" The sound of a voice nearby slowly pulled Buffy out of her dream-world. "Miss?"   
  
She groaned, covering her hands with her head and attempting to lean her head back farther, only to come in contact with something hard. This startled her and she sat straight up, noticing she was still on the ground by the Bronze where she had been last night. She had fallen asleep here.  
  
"Miss?" Someone was speaking to her, and she turned her head, gasping at who it was.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Do I know you?" The redhead asked, holding out her hand for Buffy to grab, to help the ex-Slayer to her feet.  
  
Buffy looked sad as these words were uttered from Willow. No one seemed to know her anymore. She didn't have any friends. And, the only person who was familiar to her was her mom. And she was back in L.A.  
  
"Um, no." Buffy answered Willow's question. "We, uh, we used to have classes together in High School-"  
  
"Oh." Willow said. "Sorry. I don't remember."  
  
"It's okay." Buffy replied, her eyes becoming watery. But, being the strong person that she is, she forced the tears back, looking Willow in the eyes.   
  
"I found you here this morning and was wondering why you were out here alone." Willow said.  
  
"I must of fallen asleep here. I didn't mean to." Buffy replied, pointing to her car which was parked not that far away from where she was. "My car's over there."  
  
"Too much to drink?" Willow smiled slightly, jokingly.  
  
"Too much emotional problems." Buffy replied, now above all, desperately missing the days when she could tell Willow anything. When Willow was her best friend.  
  
"Ah," Willow smiled shyly. "I've been there myself. But, I don't remember falling asleep against a wall, outside none the less." Then Willow's voice suddenly took on a serious tone. "You know how dangerous it is around here, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah. I know. I know. It was stupid of me to fall asleep here. I don't know how it happened. It just did." Buffy looked at Willow apologetically.Then she sighed, looking down before asking, "Do you know someone named Prissy?"  
  
"Prissy Newton?" Willow asked. "Because she's my best friend."  
  
"I don't know last names. Just that she has red hair, pale skin, and a sister named Dawn." Buffy answered, her eyes becoming watery again. And, she prayed that she wouldn't cry in front of Willow.  
  
"That's the one." Willow smiled. "I've known her since High School."  
  
Buffy turned towards Willow, "Than you know what she is. A Slayer." Buffy said, looking over at Willow.  
  
"How did you know?" Willow asked Buffy suspiciously.  
  
"No, it's nothing like that. I'm human." Buffy said, forcing a smile. "I-" She stopped talking before she could say anymore. "Can you do magick?"  
  
Willow looked down gultily, "I don't know. Last year I had a problem-"  
  
"I know." Buffy said quickly. "And I'm sorry. But, what if it's white magick? And, one simple, easy spell?"  
  
Willow looked at Buffy, "You promise?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then come with me."  
  
****  
  
Buffy followed Willow into a magick shop she had known rather well in her teenage years. Since, apparently Willow had gone on the same black magick rampage, the Magick Box wouldn't be open. So, this was their only choice.  
  
The bell tinkled above them as the two entered, and Buffy wished it was the old days. She wished this was her own world. God, how she wished.  
  
"So what kind of spell do you need me to do?" Willow asked, looking over at Buffy. Yet, there was a nervous tone to her voice.  
  
"I need you to do a spell to see if we are all under a spell. I mean this town. This world. Expect me." Buffy answered, truthfully.  
  
"Huh?" Willow asked. "All of us under a spell expect you?"  
  
"Please?" Buffy said, her voice almost reaching a begging tone. "I need this."  
  
Willow nodded, going to search the shelf's for the right components of the spell, as Buffy waited by the counter. A few minutes later, Willow returned, checking out in a hurry as she ushered Buffy out of the store.  
  
"I think we can do it back here." She pointed to an alleyway. "It'll only take a sec."  
  
Buffy nodded, and joined hands with Willow when the red-haired witch asked her too. And, the spell was over in a matter of minutes. All the while, Buffy waiting eagerly for the results.  
  
"No." The words came out of Willow's quickly, startling Buffy.  
  
"No?"  
  
"The world's not under a spell." Willow answered, standing up and brushing her jeans off.  
  
Buffy looked at the red-haired witch confused. How could this be? Wouldn't the world be under a spell? You can't JUST wake up one morning and everything be different. Stuff like that JUST didn't happen. IT had to be a spell. Because if it wasn't, what was it?   
  
Buffy stood up, "Are you sure?" She couldn't keep her voice from quivering.  
  
"Yeah." Willow asked, placing a comforting hand on Buffy's shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I don't know." Buffy's voice cracked at this, and she walked away from the redhead quickly, fearing that her life would never be the same again.  
  
****  
  
What do you do when you feel totally and utterly alone? When no one knows you? When no one loves you?   
  
Buffy sighed at these thoughts, watching as the night breeze moved the swing back and forth, making the scene look almost eerie.   
  
And, the young girl sighed, as the tears came. And, she let out a giant sob. She had been crying more in the last few days than she had in the last few months. Everything was just so confusing. So heartbreaking.  
  
And Buffy held herself as she cried herself to sleep.  
  
****  
  
He felt as if he knew her from somewhere. Whenever he was around her, he felt like that. Yet, he also felt overwhelmed with emotion around her. And, the bleached-blonde vampire couldn't help but wonder:  
  
Who was this girl?  
  
  
TBC.... 


	5. Take Me Home

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Five: Take Me Home  
  
I'm standing on the bridge  
I'm waiting in the dark  
I thought that you'd be here   
By now  
There's nothing but the rain  
No footsteps on the ground   
I'm listening   
But there's no sound  
  
Isn't anyone trying to find me?  
Won't somebody come take me home?  
~Avril Lavigne  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Someone softly calling her name, woke Buffy up. And, she groaned, making out a pale figure hovering over her. One with flaming red hair.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Prissy?" She asked.   
  
"Yeah. " The redhead said. "Why did you run off last night right when Giles came to the door?"  
  
"I...." Buffy let herself trail off not knowing how exactly to answer that question. She knew Prissy was the Slayer, and she was here to help everyone. But, for some reason, she felt like *not* telling Prissy what was going on.   
  
"Willow said she saw you yesterday," Prissy continued talking when Buffy didn't answer her question. "She said you had her do a spell."  
  
"Oh," Buffy looked up at Prissy. "She told you that, huh?"  
  
"She told me that she did a spell to see if everyone was under a spell BUT you." Prissy walked closer to Buffy. "Buffy, can't you tell me what's going on? I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help you."  
  
"I know." Buffy looked down ."I just....you wouldn't believe me."  
  
"I'm the Slayer." Prissy said. "I've seen more stuff in my lifetime than you can imagine. Trust me. I *will* believe you."  
  
"But it's just, you-you're not SUPPOSED to be the Slayer." Buffy tripped over her words slightly. "It's....I can't explain."  
  
"What do you mean I'm not supposed to be the Slayer?" Prissy looked at Buffy curiously. "I've been the Slayer since I was fifteen years old. Tell me. What do you mean."  
  
"I AM." Buffy spoke, looking Prissy in the eyes. "Are you happy now? I'M supposed to be the Slayer. YOU stole my life. YOU stole my friends. Now I have no one but my mom. And possibly Spike, but he doesn't seem to remember much."  
  
"Buffy-" Prissy started, looking at the blonde as if she were mad.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked. "Are you going to say I'm crazy? Are you going to say I'm EVIL?!" She looked at the redhead. "Willow is supposed to be MY best friend. Dawn is MY sister. Xander is one of MY best friends. Anya is MY friend. Tara was MY friend. Giles is MY Watcher." She looked over at Prissy. "But you stole all of that." Tears were now freely running down her face. "And now I have nothing." She looked over at Prissy. "I don't even know why my mom's alive."  
  
"Buffy," Prissy said, taking a seat on a nearby bench. "I don't understand what you're saying. How could I have stolen your life? This has always been my life."  
  
"But it hasn't." Buffy said. "At least where I come from." Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry if this isn't your fault. But it feels like it. Everything that was mine is now yours."  
  
Prissy looked up at Buffy, "Do you want to come back to my place with me?" She wasn't exactly sure if she could trust Buffy, but Giles was there, and he could definitely help out with this situation.  
  
"I don't know." Buffy said quietly. "Maybe later. I really need to calm down."  
  
Prissy nodded, "Well you know where I live."  
  
****  
She didn't know where she was going. She was wandering mostly. And, not surprisingly she found herself at the Bronze. A place she had come to so many times with family and friends. A place where memories had been built. Good one's and bad. But now, no one held those memories but her. Buffy. And she couldn't remember feeling so alone in her whole entire life. Not even after she killed Angel did she feel this alone.   
  
And, talking a seat at the bar, she ordered a drink. Something to sooth her nerves. She didn't care at this point whether Buffy and drinks were unmixy things or not.  
  
And, watching the kids and young adults on the dance floor, she spotted her. Dawn, that is. The girl was supposed to be HER little sister. She could still make out traces of resemblance between the two. But only around the face. She looked more like Prissy now, with her startling red hair and pale skin, lightly sprinkled with freckles.  
  
And, the blonde cried into her drink as she watched Dawn dance with a guy she didn't recognize. This wasn't her world anymore, and she feared it would never be again.  
  
So, making her way out of the Bronze, she found her way into the graveyard perching herself against a grave and closing her eyes. Maybe a vampire would kill her in her sleep.  
  
****  
The feeling of someone hovering over her, brought Buffy out of her dreamworld. Rather quickly, that is, considering the feeling was that a vampire was the one doing the hovering.  
  
Opening her eyes, she jumped up, about to take fighting stance, when she realized who it was. None other than Spike.  
  
"I wanna know," He looked up at her from where he was standing, dropping the cigarette he was smoking to the ground and crushing it under the heel of his boot. "Really, who the bloody hell are you?" He paused, running a hand through his messed up locks. "You-I feel like I bloody know you. You're fucking haunting me. I swear. I close my eyes, and there you are. And when I'm awake, there you are." His voice wavered with emotion he didn't know he could be feeling for a total stranger. "I know your name like I've known you. Like I know you." He looked down. "What have you bloody done to me?" He growled, pushing back the tears that were threatening to spill with anger.  
  
She sighed, sitting up from where she had been laying down, deciding to tell him what had happened. HE seemed to be coming through after all. He seemed like he was starting to remember her. Were demons immune to this? WHAT was this? Where was this?  
  
"I know you. Or I did." She spoke, her voice cracking with emotion. "I woke up today and I wasn't in my world." She took a step closer to him. "Yesterday, I was the Slayer. Yesterday you were my-my ex-lover." She looked down, than back up at him, her hazel eyes becoming watery. "Yesterday you loved me."  
  
His eyes snapped up to meet her own at her last statement, "This doesn't make any bloody sense." He sighed. "I know you....yet I don't. I feel like we've been through so much together, but I don't remember any of it. I feel like I love you. But, I don't. And you're human. BLOODY human. I have a bloody girlfriend. She's perfect. And I LOVE her. She's like me. We belong together." He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself. "But, I believe you. I don't know why, but I do. And when I'm around you....Oh bollocks. Just," He started backing away from her. "Just...."  
  
"No, tell me what you were going to say." She spoke, taking a hesitant step towards him.  
  
"When I'm around you," His voice was quiet, barely audible. "I feel complete." He looked away in embarrassment. "I feel like a missing part of me is bloody found. I feel like being GOOD." He looked at her angry. "William the Bloody good?! How is that bloody fucking possible?"  
  
This time she walked right up to him, reaching her hand up and slowly trailing it down his cheek, "It is. I've seen it."  
  
And icy blue eyes met sea green ones, and Spike uttered four single words, "Did you love me?"  
  
"What?" She asked, startled by his question.  
  
"Where you said where you were from, did you love me?" His eyes were deadly seriously, and Buffy felt frozen in place, unable to speak. And, hearing her speechless like this, felt like a deadly blow to his heart. It felt like someone had not only punched him, but taken his heart out and ripped it in two. And, he still didn't know why.  
  
So, he nodded, turning away from her, starting to walk away.  
  
"Spike!" She yelled after him.  
  
But, he rushed away from her at superhuman speed, salty tears making their way down his cheeks for a girl he didn't even know.  
  
And, Buffy sat herself on the ground, watching him disappear from her sight. And, right then she started crying. Her only hope had been crushed because he had to ask her THAT question. The question she had always dreaded answering. The question she didn't know the answer to.   
  
  
TBC  
  
  
AN: Was the chapter kind of short or was it me? I dunno. LOL, I actually wrote the last part frist and thought it sounded better as a last part. Anywho, hope you enojyed it and.... PLEASE REVIEW! 


	6. So Deadly

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Six: So Deadly  
  
It's so deadly my dear  
The power of wanting you near  
Until the day  
Until the world falls away  
Until you say there'll be no more goodbyes  
I see it in your eyes  
Tomorrow never dies   
~Sheryl Crow  
  
  
  
"Spike come back. Please." Her voice was weak as she said those few words. Her head hung low, and tears still making their way down her cheeks. Did she love him?   
  
She didn't even know the answer to that question.  
  
How could you NOT know if you love someone? She knew when she loved Angel. She knew she didn't love Riley. But, right now she really needed a shoulder to cry on. Someone to lean on. Someone who remembered her. Even if those memories were fragmented.  
  
Standing up, she started to make her way out of the graveyard. She didn't know where she was going. But, somewhere would be nice. Maybe someplace quiet.   
  
She just wished she was home. God, how she missed home!   
  
Head hung low, she didn't realize when she collided with someone. That someone having a familiar face. That someone was Anya.  
  
"Sorry B-Miss." Anya said, slightly tripping over her words. Was she about to say Buffy?  
  
"Anya?" Buffy asked. Her features a mixture of hope and fear.  
  
"Do I know you?" Anya kept her head down as she asked this. One hand fiddling with the zipper on her jacket.   
  
"Anya. Do you know who I am? Please." Buffy felt more tears beginning to surface, but she expertly pushed them back, hoping Anya would utter one little word: yes.  
  
"No. Sorry. Uh, see you around!" Anya hurried off, almost tripping over her high-heeled boots as she did so, since she was moving so fast.  
  
"Anya!" Buffy yelled after her. But, the brunette continued to hurry off, not even stopping to look back.  
  
Buffy watched Anya's back as she retreated, wondering if the brunette DID know something. Why make such a hasty retreat if she didn't?   
  
And, making a quick decision, the blonde ran off in search of Prissy's house.  
  
****  
  
The trip to Prissy's house was by far much faster by car than by feet, especially without Slayer powers, but Buffy made it there within a good fifteen minutes. Knocking on the door, hoping someone was still up. For, it was already way past one a.m.   
  
Thankfully, she was. And, the redhead opened the door, still decked out in the clothes she was wearing earlier.  
  
"Buffy." Prissy said calmly. "You decided to come back?"  
  
"Yes. Can I come in?" Buffy asked, her impatience showing on her face.  
  
The redhead stepped aside, and the blonde made her way inside the house. Yet, she grimaced when she realized everyone, minus Spike and Anya, was there.   
  
"Oh, yeah it's the weird psycho girl." Buffy heard Dawn whisper to Xander, and she felt tears prickling behind her eyes.  
  
"Dawn!" Prissy said. "Please go to your room. NOW."  
  
The teen looked angry, but rolled her eyes, making sure her feet hit the ground loudly as she made her way up the wood steps.   
  
"So, you must be err-Buffy, is it?" Giles took a step forward, towards her, his hand extended.  
  
Buffy took his hand, shaking it, yet feeling awkward while doing so.   
  
"Giles." Buffy said quietly, in greeting.  
  
"You know my name, then?" He said.  
  
"I know all of your names." She said quietly.   
  
"I see." Giles said, taking off his glasses and starting to clean them.  
  
"Priscilla-"  
  
"Prissy!" Prissy shouted from behind Giles, cutting him off. "Never call me Priscilla again!" Her voice held a playful tone to it, though.  
  
"Prissy," Giles corrected himself. "Said you had a, well a, outburst, earlier saying she stole your life. And, we were all your friends. Or something of that nature." Giles took a seat on the couch, placing himself next to Willow.  
  
Buffy looked down, embarrassed. But, quickly regained her courage, looking up at Giles. "From what I remember--that's how it seems. I know so much about you all, besides Prissy, down to Willow's allergies to morning-glories. You all were my best friends until I woke up a few days ago. And, it's like everything switched so Prissy had my life. I always thought, how would it be to have a normal life, not being the Slayer? But, now I know what I've earned from being the Slayer. And, I've lost it all." She sighed, sitting down in a lone rocking chair, in the corner of the room. "The only person, well un-person who seems to kinda remember me is Spike. And, Anya MIGHT remember me. She was acting all weird around me a little bit ago."  
  
Nobody seemed to know what to say, as everyone in the room stared at Buffy. And, her eyes met the ground, uncomfortably. Everyone sitting in uncomfortable silence.  
  
Yet, Buffy finally broke the silence. "I know you don't believe me. Any of you. If you want me to leave-"  
  
"No. Stay." Giles said, standing up and starting to pace the length of the room. "What your saying is very peculiar, I nor anyone in the room seems to remember what you SAY you remember. I'm really not sure whether to believe you or not. But, you say Spike out of all people, or demons in his case, remembers you?"  
  
"He KINDA remembers me. Where I'm from he's good. And, he, well he loves me." She sighed, her head snapping up when she heard laughter coming from beside her. She looked up to find Xander near hysterics. Who else? "You know, it's not funny. It really isn't. He's done so much where I'm from. He even got a soul for me. So just--please stop laughing."  
  
"It's not helping the matter any." Giles pitched in, sending a fatherly glare Xander's way.   
  
The brunette immediately shut up, mumbling, "Well it was funny."  
  
Suddenly, a loud crash was heard from outside, a window shattering in the process. "Slayer!" A vampire roared from outside.   
  
"Shit. Do you know how expensive repairs can be on these windows?" She hissed.  
  
"That's why you have me!" Xander pitched in, but no one seemed to notice him as Prissy marched outside. Everyone followed suit, ready to fight whatever had come for Prissy. Even Buffy followed.  
  
And, not much to Buffy's surprise, there behind around five minions, stood Spike and his beloved Drusilla, wrapped in his embrace. An evil smirk planted on his features. That is, until he saw Buffy.  
  
"ARE YOU FUCKING EVERYWHERE?!" He yelled, his vampiric features melting away.  
  
Prissy looked to her right, her eyes fixated on Buffy, "Is this the Spike you were talking about?"  
  
Buffy ignored Prissy's question, as she marched past everyone, even the minions, coming face to face with Spike, a small smile on her face. "Bite me." She exposed her neck.  
  
"What kind of psycho game are you playing Buffy?!" Prissy yelled, starting to charge towards Buffy.  
  
"Stay there." Buffy said, looking over at Prissy. "Trust me."  
  
The redhead looked at her friends, but obeyed Buffy, everyone watching Buffy, as Prissy quickly staked the minions, who were not getting orders from their masters. Luckily, they weren't well trained and didn't put up much of a fight.  
  
"Bite me." Buffy repeated to Spike, pulling more of her golden locks out of the way.   
  
Spike looked at her neck, licking his lips. But, before he bit down he realized he couldn't do it. Those stupid fucking feelings! Where the hell were they coming from?  
  
Buffy's intention was to prove her point. Prove that Spike remembered something about her. That he wouldn't bite her.   
  
But, what she didn't expect was him to pull her in for an aggressive and hungry kiss. And, that's exactly what he did, and unconsciously Buffy responded. The Scooby Gang behind her, watching with mouths agape.  
  
  
TBC....  
  
  
AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I've been sick which makes the upadating harder, unfortunately. Well, anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! 


	7. So Long

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Seven: So Long   
  
So I was the one with all the glory   
While you were the one with all the strain   
A beautiful face without a name   
For so long   
A beautiful smile to hide the pain   
~Bette Midler  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He was the first to pull away from the kiss. Blue eyes wide and frightened by his own actions. Own feelings towards a human. Feelings expressed in front of his lover and the Slayer.  
  
"You're covered." Drusilla was the first to speak of the bunch. Her voice was full of disgust. "You're covered in her, Spike. You're covered. Drowning in piles of dirt." Her gray eyes snapped from Spike over to Buffy. "The Slayer." Speaking those two words, it sounded as if Drusilla had tasted something rotten. And the by the look on her face, the taste lingered.  
  
"But, I'm the Slayer." Prissy spoke from behind Buffy and the two vampires. And, Buffy cringed, remembering the Scooby Gang was standing behind her. Had she really kissed Spike in front of all of them?  
  
Drusilla giggled lightly, "Silly girl. Playing silly games. Playing make-believe."  
  
Buffy hesitantly turned towards the Scooby Gang, her sea-colored eyes meeting the ground, afraid to look them in their eyes, "She knows." She paused, just long enough for her gaze to meet Prissy's for a split second. And, then it was back on the ground, as if she hadn't looked up at all. "It's like I said. I thought-or I think-you stole my life. I am the Slayer." She laughed lightly, but no joy was behind her laughter. It sounded forced. "Drusilla of all people knows. How ironic is that?"  
  
"Oh, so now I have these bloody feelings for a-a fucking Slayer!" Spike hissed, his voice low enough so only Buffy would hear him.  
  
Drusilla, apparently having heard what he said, snapped her gray eyes up to meet his own. "Yes, my love. That's how it's supposed to go. How it went. And, how it goes. I should go now, luv." She looked over at Buffy, sadly. "You put things right."  
  
And with that said, the brunette turned away from the group, and walked away, her long elegant dress trailing behind her along the way.  
  
"Dru!" Spike yelled, starting to go after her.  
  
"Spike, stop." Buffy suddenly said, making the bleached-blonde turn towards her. "She's right. This is how it goes. She knows. She knows everything that you seem on the verge of remembering. She knows that you REALLY have feelings for me. Or where I come from you do." She paused, her suddenly watery hazel eyes, meeting soft blue one's. "And, I have a feeling she only knows what's going on. I have a feeling going after her won't help. It won't help you. And, it won't help me."  
  
His eyes remained on the short blonde throughout her short speech, and still, afterwards, no words came to mind. He stood there silently, still. Feeling as if he could believe this girl in front of him. This girl he had known no more than a few days. This girl who he felt, he could already trust.  
  
"Spike," She said quietly. "I want to go home. I want it like it was before. And, maybe you can help me." She paused, her eyes still focused on his ocean blue one's. Eyes that she knew, could play out so many emotions. So many hidden emotions, that could show on the surface. Especially when he looked at her. She always felt invisible. Naked. She knew he could see right through her. "Can you help me, Spike?"  
  
And he paused, for a split second, his hand hesitantly traveling down the side of her face in a pleasant and loving gesture, "I'll help you, Buffy."  
  
****  
  
Prissy still feeling an odd connection to Buffy, had let the blonde invite the vampire into the house. And, now, only a few minutes until it was an hour later, she didn't know why. No one seemed to be saying anything. People only getting up to use the bathroom or to get a glass of water. Buffy figured everyone was acting like this because she had easily gotten Spike to agree with her.  
  
Xander, at first, had protested saying she was allying herself with the enemy and that she was evil. Who else? He had even checked her for a pulse. Which, of course, she had. And, she knew, like she felt a connection with Prissy, Prissy did with her. Making the red-head trust her. She suspected it was something to do with being the Slayer. Something to do with Prissy having her life.  
  
And, Spike. He sat uncomfortably next to Buffy, making sure he was distanced enough from the Scooby Gang. Only sneaking glances at Buffy now and then, otherwise he would make sure he was picking at his chipped nail polish or staring at the wall. He still couldn't believe he had agreed to help her. And, what was more annoying to him, was that the teenager, Dawn, he thought her name was, was flirting with him! The Big Bad! Now, what was wrong with this picture?  
  
Buffy sighed, finally being the first one to speak up, "So are you all going to help me? Or is it just going to be me and Spike?"  
  
"Spike and I." Willow corrected Buffy quietly.  
  
"What?" Buffy sighed, before realizing what the read-head meant and rolling her eyes slightly, playfully at Willow. She was the glad the read-head seemed to be warming up to her. "Oh." She smiled at Willow, who thankfully, returned the smile.  
  
"I guess I could help." Willow sighed. "But, I don't understand how Prissy could of stolen your life. I feel like-or I have, known her since the tenth grade. She's my best friend."  
  
"I think Anya might know something." Buffy spoke up, suddenly. "She was acting all weird when I saw her today. And, I think she almost said my name."  
  
"Are you-" And before Willow could finish her sentence, Anya, herself, walked in the door, cheerily.  
  
"I'm here!" She announced. "Am I late?"  
  
"Kinda." Xander rolled his eyes at his ex-girlfriend, yet kept a wary eye on Buffy. He didn't like that girl.  
  
When Anya realized who he was looking at, she stiffened, her whole body becoming tense. And, Buffy realized this, sitting up straighter in her chair and looking Anya in the eye, "Anya, do you know who I am?"  
  
The brunette looked uncomfortable as she said, "I told you. No."  
  
"You're lying." Buffy stood up. "What do you know? Do you know why I'm here?"  
  
"I-" Anya paused, sighing and sitting herself next to Giles on the couch. "Yes. Okay. I know who you are. Now, can I go?"  
  
"Do you know why I'm here?" Buffy asked. "Come on Anya. I really want to go home. How would you like being in my place?"  
  
Sighing, the brunette looked over at Buffy and said, "I know how you got here. But, I don't know how to get you home."  
  
"Tell me." Buffy stood up, walking over to Anya. "Please."  
  
Anya sighed, "I well-before I was human again, Prissy well she sort of made a wish. She made a wish that she was important, wanted, needed by people, and well-everything basically that was the Slayer. So ka-blam, she's the Slayer. Sorry Buffy."  
  
"Sorry?!" Buffy stood up, angrily. "All you can say is sorry?!" She paused, taking a deep breath, trying to control her anger. "I woke up, and I wasn't in my world anymore. And, it's your fault Anya."  
  
Anya looked guilty as Buffy said this, and fuming, Buffy sat down, angry. Glancing quickly over at Prissy who now seemed to be crying.   
  
"So you're saying my life is a lie?"  
  
  
TBC....  
  
AN: First of, sorry the chapter was short. lol. 2ndly, I have a feeling the story won't last much longer. I hope your enjoying it so far! So uh PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
AN2: And just wanted to say, thanx for all your wishes of betterness! But, unfortunately as soon as that sickness started to die down, I get another one! ARGH! I SO hope I don't have the flu. 


	8. Our Story's Just Begun

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Eight: Our Story's Just Begun  
The circle of the moon  
The rising of the sun  
We'll be together soon  
Our story's just begun  
Time will bring us near  
I'll never be too far  
Oh, baby, don't you fear  
I'll always be right where you are  
~Paulina Rubio  
  
  
  
  
Truthfully, Buffy didn't know what to say to Prissy's question. What do you say to someone who asks if their life is a lie? Yes? No? Maybe? She couldn't lie to the red-head, so instead she said:  
  
"Where I come from, you know your life, like I know mine. You *will* know that life when you get back to it. So no, your life isn't a lie. But, this life is my life."  
  
Once the question was answered, nobody spoke. Everyone sitting there in stunned silence. Prissy sobbing quietly, Anya looking nonchalant, Buffy looking calm yet upset, while everyone else just sat there, still trying to absorb the information they'd been given. Even though Spike was beginning to remember things from Buffy's dimension-or whatever it was, and he'd said before, that he believed her, he still looked a little shocked.  
  
"I'm a poof?" Spike, of course, was the one to break the stunned silence by asking a question that sounded odd to everyone's ears.  
  
"Well you *do* have a soul." Buffy said, quietly. "So if that's what you consider a poof to be---yeah. I guess."  
  
He nodded silently, nothing else coming out of his mouth. No snarky comments as she had expected. And, she guessed Spike had simply spoken to break the heart-breaking and uncomfortable silence. She understood.  
  
"So are we going to start looking for ways to sent Buffy back, or am I wasting my time?" Anya spoke impatiently from her seat on the couch.  
  
Everyone nodded, still numb though. And Giles, giving away his obvious uncomfortableness, kept cleaning his glasses, as if they could never be spotless.  
  
"I-I suppose we should set things right." Giles spoke, almost too calmly. "So I'll go over to my place and grab books on vengeance demons and ways to reverse wishes. Willow you check the internet. Anya you summon D'Hoffryn. And, I'll be back within the hour."   
  
Giles stood to leave, but Anya stopped him, impatiently saying, "D'Hoffryn! You've got to be kidding me! He's gonna kill me if I summon him!"  
  
Giles turned towards her angry at her words, "No matter how much I love Prissy, we have to set things right, and this is YOU'RE fault. So, you are going to do something about it, Anya. And you are going to do it now."  
  
One looked at the serious ripper-like look on his face, and the ex-vengeance demon was headed towards the door.  
  
Yet, before she could make it out the door, a question couldn't help surfacing in Buffy's mind, so she approached Anya, asking, "If Giles is in England, and my mom is dead in my dimension, how come they're here?"  
  
Anya looked truly puzzled by this question, and her only answer was far from what Buffy wanted to hear, "I don't know."  
  
****  
  
Buffy watched as Spike lazily puffed on a stale cigarette. Both were outside, and Buffy sat next to him, just enjoying the feel of his presence next to her. She missed her Spike. She *really* missed her Spike. Even if he was an insane vampire living in the basement of Sunnydale High.  
  
"Can you tell me about me?" Spike suddenly asked, the cigarette falling to the ground, and being crushed by at boot-clad foot. "How I am in your dimension, I mean?"  
  
"I've told you you're souled." She said quietly. "I don't know what else to say. You," She paused. "You try to do everything to make me happy." She got a faraway look in her eyes as she said this, but quickly shook her head, and continued talking to him. "But you already know you're in love with me there. Hell, you even seem to be," She paused, hazel eyes meeting soft blue. "Are you in love with me here?"  
  
His answer was to lean over and kiss her softly on the lips. It was soft, chaste, and barely touching at first. But, she quickly turned it into just the opposite.  
  
Her tongue soon found his own, both now doing a battle for dominance just as they had fought so many times. Both dancing. A dance.  
  
Hands were soon roaming, under his shirt, under her shirt. Hair being pulled, yanked lightly. Loving kisses peppered down each others necks. And, suddenly she pulled away, uttering a single word:  
  
"Yes." It had come out in a rush, before she could even think about what she was going to say. And despite being flushed from the kisses, she blushed.  
  
"Yes?" He asked, taking her hand in his own and peppering kisses along her knuckles in a loving gesture.  
  
"You asked me before if I loved you in my dimension. Yes, I did love you... I *do* love you."  
  
****  
  
Giles arrived at Prissy's house right on time. Books were stacked in his arms, piled up to his chin. He reached over to open the door and tripped as the door opened before his hand could reach the knob, the books scattering on the living room floor.  
  
Clapping could be heard from above him, and Giles looked up to see Xander hovering over him, a goofy grin lighting his face, "Great move G-man. Too bad I didn't have a camera. That one was priceless."  
  
"Do *not* call me G-man." Giles stood, brushing himself off, and starting to gather the books he had dropped.  
  
Willow quickly rushed to his side, helping him gather the books. And though grudgingly, both Dawn and Xander did the same. Prissy stayed on the couch though, her eyes on the website Willow had been researching. And, she wished she could just close the browser, just shut her eyes, and all of this would be a dream. She wish she could wake up tomorrow with Dawn and her friends by her side. Buffy was nice, but Prissy was starting to wish she had never met her. But, as life goes, things are destined to be, and this just seemed to be one of those things. One of those times you couldn't choose between yes and no.  
  
The sliding glass door opening made the Scooby Gang aware of Buffy and Spike re-entering the living room. Both looked disheveled, lips swollen from obvious kisses, and hair mussed. This made Prissy cringe. Why would Buffy want to be an inch near Spike, let alone have her lips pressed against his own? Why would Buffy even think about being with a vampire, let alone Spike, in the first place?  
  
"Do you need help?" Buffy rushed over to where Giles was picking up books, while Spike sat down on the couch, a reasonable distance from Prissy.  
  
"No, we'll be fine." Giles said, as the group stood up, a large amount of books in each of their arms.  
  
Buffy nodded, smiling slightly, "Well, at least I *did* offer."  
  
Giles smiled, his eyes making their way over to Prissy for a split second before landing back on Buffy, "Yes, at least."  
  
Just then Anya came rushing through the door, panting, obviously out of breath. "What?" She looked at the Scooby Gang's faces, before she sat down on the couch next to Spike. "I felt like running here."  
  
"Anya, did you find anything?" Giles walked over to the brunette, placing himself in the chair across from her.  
  
She sighed heavily, "Yes."  
  
"Well....?" He waited expectantly, placing his share of books on the glass coffee table in front of him.  
  
She took a deep breath before yelling, "D'HOFFRYN!"  
  
The head vengeance demon appeared, his demonic hands gripped tight around a girls neck.  
  
"Well, he doesn't *feel* like doing it this time, so we....or you, have to kill this vengeance demon." Anya sighed, walking over to the girl, her neck still being gripped tightly by D'Hoffryn, and ripping the precious necklace off of her neck. She than quickly stomped on it. A large and very brief flash of light was noticed and Anya smiled, "There that should make the kill easier."  
  
Both Buffy and Prissy look at each other, hesitant and frightened, this girl was now human, and one thought was present in their minds:  
  
Could they kill a human?  
  
  
  
TBC....  
  
AN: Yep I updated, and wrote the whole chapter on paper first, too. How exhausting it is to type when you're not making it up then and there. My hand aches. lol. Anywho, just for your knowledge, I don't have the flu and I'm pretty much better. So just, PLEASE REVIEW 


	9. More Than I Could Pay

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
AN: Anyway, I'm writing this before I write this chapter, and truthfully, I have no idea while Giles and Joyce are there *racks her small brain*, AHHHHHH! Need to think! Need to make it up in this chappy! Anyway, this story is almost over. Was thinking I could drag it out only until about chapter 10, then it's pretty much over. Oh, plus I have this new story wracking my brain. I've written the first chapter, and I'll prolly post it when I post the last chapter of this. So I'll tell you about it then. Well, ENJOY!  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Nine: More Than I Could Pay  
And that.  
Which you've given me today  
Is worth more than I could pay  
~Sinhead O'Connor  
  
  
  
'D'Hoffryn disappeared before anyone could say 'boo', leaving the ex vengeance demon, scared and not prepared for death in front of the group.  
  
Looking at the now ex-vengeance demon in front of her, Prissy froze. Yet, it wasn't from fright of killing the human. It was from fear of loosing this life. And, right then and there, she knew she had to find a way to keep this vengeance demon alive, even if it mean that Buffy couldn't get back to her own world. She just didn't care if her motives were selfish anymore. She loved this life, and she'd be damned if she was going to lose it.  
  
"I'll take care of her myself." Everyone looked at Prissy incredulously once the words left her mouth. It just wasn't like something that Prissy would say. She was a true hero. She'd never killed a human being in her life.   
  
And, ignoring everyone's looks, Prissy took the ex vengeance demon outside, and away from the house. She planned on letting the girl go somewhere where her friends wouldn't notice.  
  
Once Prissy was gone, Buffy sighed, relieved. She *really* didn't want to do the dirty work, nor watch anyone do the dirty work of killing a human. She was glad Prissy was brave enough, because she sure as hell wasn't.   
  
"I was thinking about your question earlier. The one about Giles and your mom being here." Buffy turned her head as she heard Anya speak.   
  
"Really?" The blonde asked. "Yeah, I was just curious...."  
  
"I think your mom is hear because of the way this vengeance spell worked. It didn't work like others. For one thing, you remembered your past life and Prissy didn't, which is odd. So, I was thinking it kind of reversed roles with Joyce. In our dimension Prissy's mom was alive so it switched, making Joyce alive in this dimension." Anya said, smiling, obviously proud of herself for figuring this out on her own.  
  
"And Giles?" Buffy asked, curiosity evident on her features.  
  
"Well, in Prissy's wish, she also asked for a mentor, a guiding hand, someone to be there for her, and Giles kinda popped up. That one wasn't very hard to figure out." Anya said. "I just wanted you to know."  
  
"Thanks Anya. Even if you did make a mistake with the wishing, I'm glad you have the guts to undo it. I--you don't know how glad I am. Just, thank you."  
  
Anya smiled, "Your welcome, Buffy."  
  
****  
  
Prissy sighed, as she reached the graveyard. She had to let this girl go if she was going to have this life. She could just say the girl escaped. Or that she killed her and nothing happened, right? It could be as easy as snapping your fingers. Yet, her grip on the girls arm wasn't loosening. She knew this was wrong.  
  
She had to be strong.She had to remember, she wasn't the Slayer, Buffy was. And if she had really stolen this girls life, Buffy must be feeling alone. Lost. Like she was now. Prissy sighed, her grip on the girls arm still tight as she sat down on the cold grass.  
  
"So how long have you been a vengeance demon?" Prissy asked, looking over at the girl. She had long black hair, hanging down in heavy braids over her shoulders, and her skin was as black as night, as were her eyes. And even though she was human now. She still looked scary.  
  
The girls voice quivered as she answered, "Fourteen years."  
  
"Not long." Prissy said quietly. And her eye's met the girls, tears brimming in the dark orbs, and Prissy started crying herself. Her silent tears running down her cheeks, noticed only by the night and the ex vengeance demon. "Must be hard being ripped out of the only word you know, huh?"  
  
The girl nodded. "I'm scared." She than looked at Prissy, raising her head up high. "But, I'm ready to die. I don't know how to live any other way."  
  
Prissy nodded, playing with the small knife which was tucked into her jacket pocket. Should she do it? Should she kill this girl and help Buffy? Or should she not and help herself?   
  
And for once in her life, the red-head felt totally lost.  
  
****  
  
"I wonder how long it will be until I'm back." Buffy sounded truly anxious, her small form next to Spike's on the tan plush couch that sat in Prissy's living room. "Once the demon is dead, will the change take place right away?" Buffy asked, looking over at Anya, as a thought suddenly struck her.  
  
"It should." Anya said.  
  
"Then why didn't Prissy say goodbye?"   
  
Everyone around the room looked at each other, worried faces belying how they felt. Was the red-head going to take extreme and selfish measures? And just as Giles was standing up, about to take action, the front door swung open, revealing Prissy and a ex vengeance demon.   
  
"I'm sorry I left." She looked over at Buffy and the gang. "I just," She looked over at the ex vengeance demon. "I wanted to say goodbye before this is all over." Her voice cracked, and tears fell from her eyes quickly. Yet, she was soon enveloped in a hug from everyone except Spike, even Buffy hugged her.   
  
Buffy felt bad for being happy at this moment, while she heard so many cries, but why shouldn't so be? She was getting her life back. And, as soon as she got back to her world. She vowed she'd find Prissy. Say hello. Just do something. Maybe the girl would remember after all.  
  
And defiantly, Prissy pulled away from the group, grabbing the knife and stabbing the ex vengeance demon in the gut. She had to do this. It wasn't fair to Buffy if she didn't.   
  
And, Buffy sat down on the couch, looking over at Spike who took her hand reassuringly.   
  
"I'll tell you when I get there. I'll tell you what I feel." She whispered.  
  
"Promise?" He asked.  
  
"I promise."  
  
And with one last look at the group, Buffy sat loudly, and looking directly at Prissy, "See you on the other side."  
  
  
TBC....  
  
  
AN: One more chapter to go...One more chapter to go! You take a chappy and read it around, and one more chapter to go! Sorry the chapter was short, didn't have much to do with it. The real purpose was for the vegeance demon to die and to find out why Giles and Joyce were there and you did. Well, see ya in a little. I'll try to update soon! I promise! PLEASE REVIEW! 


	10. Wind Beneath My Wings

Title: Alone, I Fear  
Author: Sita  
Summary: What would happen if Buffy awoke to a world where she wasn't the Slayer, yet still had the memories of being one, and her life in SunnyD. What would she do, and how far would she go in order to get her old life back? B/S  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Post-7.5 "Selfless" (Doesn't really have anything to do with the episode though)  
Disclaimer: You think some guy named Joss Whedon owns Buffy?! Psssht! Yeah right! *sigh* Well...okay he does but I can pretend can't I? Or maybe I could just borrow Spike? (Oh, hehehe, forgot to mention, I own Prissy.)  
  
  
Can't find where I am  
Lying here  
Alone I fear  
Afraid of the dark  
No one to claim  
Alone again  
  
~Avirl Lavigne  
  
  
Chapter Ten: Wind Beneath My Wings  
Did you ever know that you're my hero?   
And everything I would like to be   
I can fly higher than an eagle   
For you are the wind beneath my wings   
  
~Bette Midler   
  
  
  
  
  
  
She yawned, stretching lazily, her eyes shut, and she yawned. She opened her eyes almost excitedly and gasped. She was home. She was *actually* home.   
  
Hopping out of bed, she happily made her way downstairs, only to be greeted by the sweet smell of pancakes. Willow was cooking. And, boy did that food smell good. In reality, she hadn't eaten anything in days and she was starving.  
  
"Morning, Buffy." Her sister said tiredly, munching on a piece of bacon. Buffy immediately grabbed a piece off of her sisters plate and shoved it in her mouth. Savoring the salty taste on her tongue.   
  
"Hey," Dawn slapped her hand. "Get your own."  
  
Buffy smiled, "Fine. Fine. But, it just looked so appetizing. Your bacon was calling to me."  
  
"Yeah. Yeah." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Whatever."  
  
Buffy quickly grabbed a plate of her own food, savoring every single bite, which she took pretty fast. Fattening food was good when you haven't eaten in days. And, only five minutes later, she smiled at Willow.  
  
"Thanks Willow. Yummy breakfast." Buffy smiled.  
  
"Your happy," Willow looked down at Buffy's empty plate. "And apparently hungry this morning."  
  
Buffy smirked. "Yep. Well I got to go. I'll be back in a few."   
  
"Where are you going? It's Saturday, remember no work." Dawn asked, taking a sip of her apple juice.  
  
"Out." She said. "I just have to see some people. I'll be back later."  
  
As soon as the door slammed behind the blonde, Dawn and Willow glanced each other briefly, before shrugging their shoulders. They could never tell with Buffy. One minute she was happy, the next she was taking her frustrations out in beating up the local vamps. You could never tell with that blonde spitfire.  
  
****  
  
The brick house was familiar and saddening at the same time. And, Buffy wondered if Prissy remembered anything about their little adventure to another dimension. She even wondered if Prissy lived here in this dimension.  
  
But, her question was answered in no time, as the red-head came out of the house, a watering can in her hand as she walked over to the thirsty plants in her yard.  
  
"Prissy." The name slipped of the blonde's tongue before she could even contemplate whether to call the red-head over.  
  
This got Prissy's attention and she smiled warmly, "Buffy."  
  
"You remember?" Buffy asked, walking closer to the red-head, a small smile gracing her own lips.  
  
"Every second. But, I remember this life better. I'm kinda glad you gave it back to me. I guess I just had to realize I can't be the superhero with everything." Prissy answered, setting the watering can down next to her.  
  
"Well neither can I, and I'm even the Slayer." Buffy answered, stepping forward to embrace the red-head in a hug.   
  
Prissy looked over at her plants quickly, than back at Buffy, "You know, I have to finish watering these than I've gotta go to my boyfriend's house. But you can come by later?"  
  
Buffy smiled, "I'd like that. Maybe I'll even take you to my house to meet the gang."  
  
Prissy smiled, "I'd like that."  
  
Buffy smirked, "Well I'll see you later. Can I stop by around eight?"  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
The girls smiled at each other before parting their separate ways. And, Buffy was glad both of them had what they want, and were happy. She feared Prissy would not be. But, having Prissy look even happier than she was with the gang in the other world made Buffy feel great. And, right now she had to make someone else feel great emotionally, even if he was insane right now. Someone who was bleached-blonde and went by Spike.  
  
****  
  
The bright sun and the basement differed dramatically, and Buffy had trouble making her way through the dark basement, tripping over a few stray boxes on her way to where Spike usually was.  
  
And, when she got there, he was where he usually was, hugging his knee's to his chest and mumbling incoherent sentences. She could only hope he would understand what she was going to say to him.  
  
"Spike."  
  
He glanced up at her, giggling insanely when he saw her there. "You're fake. All fake. No real-"  
  
"Spike, I'm real. It's really me. I'm not lying." She sat down on the floor across from him, taking one of his pale hands into her own. "And I want you to listen to me."  
  
He cocked his head to the side in curiosity, almost as if he knew what she was going to say was going to change everything. And, if he knew she wasn't one of his hallucinations.  
  
"Spike I went through a little adventure the past few days. Kinda a vengeance demony wish thing, switched me into another dimension where I wasn't the Slayer and you were your old self. Well it probably wasn't the past few days for you-"  
  
He cut her off, "Old self? Evil? Evil?"  
  
"Spike," She squeezed. "It wasn't you. It was another dimension you."  
  
He was still a little tense, but he visibly relaxed a little, watching her with searching blue eyes. Curious as to why she was being so nice to him.  
  
"And I realized something while I was there." She smiled a little. "You just started remembering me there. Started to love me again. And, I realized that I," She paused. "I know this is sudden Spike, but I'm not a hallucination, I promise. And while there, I realized, well," She put her hands on the side of his face. "I love you."  
  
He started laughing at this, insane laughter echoing off the basement walls. "Silly hallucination-"  
  
She cut him off, "I'm not a hallucination." And with this said, she pulled him in for a passionate, yet loving kiss. "Can a hallucination do that?"  
  
And instead of laughing this time, he started crying, sobs of happiness or sadness she didn't know, but she took his hand in her own, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles lovingly.  
  
"I know we had a messed up relationship last year. But, I'm willing to make it all up. Start over. And it will start with you moving out of this basement and into my house. It's making you insane." She smiled lightly.  
  
"Are you serious?" A bit of the sane Spike shone through at this question, "Do you really love me?"  
  
"I have for a long time Spike. I was just too stubborn to admit it. I love you." She whispered.  
  
"God, I love you too." He collapsed into her arms, fresh tears making their way down his cheeks as four words echoed in his mind:  
  
Someday she'll tell you.  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
AN: For my "Lacuna" readers, sorry for the lack of updateness. Been juggling so many stories plus exams it's been hard. I'll try to get another chappy up soon. I promise!  
  
Also hope you enjoyed the story! Thanks for all your reviews! And for the reader who wanted to know what Sinhead O'Connor song it was it was called "I Believe in You", it was off of a christmas album.   
  
My first two chapters of my new story, "Better Than Choclate" is up. Please check it out for me!   
  
Love you all! *kisses* And thanks again!  
  
  
AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 


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